Wassup ya’ll?!
On another roll! Two posts in a row!
Hope you guys are doing good.
I am…
…well kinda.

Anyways, the forum is closed about the Rihanna and Chris situation. Stop sending messages threatening me, asking me questions as if I were their publicist or asking me to weigh in some more on the situation, they will be ignored. *e-smile* I said my piece on the situation and my opinions matters to some, but not most. Rihanna’s going to do whatever she wants, regardless. And in fact, she did. Google or Youtube it if you don’t what I’m talking about.

Now, I live in The Bahamas. Beautiful place…really. However, sometimes people tickle my large intestine when they do stuff for the sole purpose of attracting “haters”.
*rips out fingernails*
(What the hell are you talking about Carissa?!)
Well, I’ll tell you!

This past Saturday I went down to Arawak Cay, a little place where both locals and tourists love to congregate, but always segregate. (I dunno, it seemed a little needed) Anyways, I was there with a Jamaican friend of mine who was visiting. So I had my tour guide face on, articulate speech and everything. I even covered my fun bags last night. Yessss that’s right, NO CLEAVAGE. I was a little shocked myself.
But mostly because it was a little windier (ugh that word looks so wrong) than I liked.
We went to a native restaurant and I crocheted a hat, scarf and thong while I waited for my food. Then I went to try ‘em on in the bathroom and came back and the food was still not there. I could feel my stomach climbing up my throat to see why the food was taking so long. Anyways, a year later, out food comes. The food wasn’t bad. I was just too full of air. So I didn’t eat much after all, which is good because I’ve been eating mad crazy junk this weekend. Eatin’ every second like I’m immune to weight gain. And now I feel a new ring of fat trying to nestle comfortably around my waist. And I hate wearing girdles.
Maybe I should op for one of these:

Or get up on this:

Back to the story:
After we eat (or whatever), we got some not-how-they-used-to-make-‘em daiquiris. I still enjoyed mine, though. Had me smiling like this all the way to the car:
bad teeth

…until I saw her…and did this face:

This entire planet…a giant meatball with a wig on…the majority of the cellulite in the world… a big waterloupemelon (combo of watermelon and cantaloupe), heffa (no, really…she looked heifer-esque:
How do I KNOW she HAD cellulite all on her thighs, stomach and butt cheeks???
Because Jupiter had it all hanging out (LITERALLY)
Wearing, and I am not exaggerating:
A BRA carrying nothing but sweaty, dirty mini Idaho potato tetas.
A purple XXXX-small-mini -1,000 sized cropped cardigan.
Finally some suspect TIGHT short painted on jeans.
The kind that makes you prone to yeast infections

And not trying to be mean (well….), but girlie’s mouth ain’t the only thing with a big appetite on her body, ‘cause the camel toe elephant hoof was something serious!

If that didn’t paint a picture or you’re one of those folks who learn better with visuals it was something like, but not limited to Darleen…
GuessWhoRuinedCasualFriday copy

Besides that, last week was really good for me. I performed some spoken word and hung out with some of the craziest people on Earth…
Yesterday, some random kitten ran into my house. No, seriously.
Sooooo, I’m keeping her.

I might name her:
-Sweet ‘n’ Sour
-Nilla Limbs
-twat! (LOL nahhh, but that WOULD be sad though, huh?)

Those are my top choices
But this is her segment!
First night here:
I can’t sleep because she keeps bugging me, and purring right by my ear. Anyways, she started to “meow”, but I ignored her, thinking that she was just looking for unnecessary attention…
…until I heard these sounds like someone was repeatedly jumping on a giant whoopee cushion.
I looked up and saw this heffa, sitting on a stack of books…
..coating them with poop that looked EXACTLY like and has the same texture as:
Thankfully, there was some newspaper on top of some of the books, but a book was lost in the tragic incident. And some Frosty got on my cardboard guitar case…
…she’s still cute to me though…

Anyways you guys!
Which name do you think she should have?
Choose the best out of the list or give me a suggestion *e-smile*
NO HUMAN NAMES!..I do not want to name my cat after you! Lol *e-smile*

Leave a comment under this post or leave a shout out in the chat box or shoot me…

…an email.
Questions, concerns, complaints, or suggestions
Email muh: or

It's always funny...

…until it’s you.

First of all, hey guys.
Now to the deal. I find it funny how people always find humor and jokes about other people until the joke is on them. Now, I;m not trying to sound fresh-from-the-factory, fresh-off-the-shelf, just-opening-the-package brand new, but I didn’t put an email (TWO AT THAT) on these blog posts for my health…
If I have to hear it through the grapevine how you feel about any posts...I wasn’t supposed to hear and you didn’t want me to [insert gigantic period here]
So why talk about it…??
And if you ARE getting pissed by reading this…

Now, I don’t mean to step on any toes…
…but if I did…
…I’m sorry it hurt…

Like I say at the end of my blog post, and I quote…
“Questions, CONCERNS, COMPLAINTS, suggestions…email me…”

I don’t say that to make the blog more interesting…
Have an issue?
Get at me, homie! (Yeah, trynna sound a lil’ gangsta)

P.S. I’m sure you were havin’ a good hee-hee-haw-ha-ha-ki-ki when the posts weren’t about you.

Long story short, take whatever I say in my blog, with a grain of salt…besides it’s my opinion no?


Questions, comments, concerns, complaints, suggestions?